I want to do more

Just a stream of consciousness regarding speaking up and speaking out

Hi, I don’t usually write on this account much anymore since most of what I write is geared towards ttrpgs and that’s over on my Dicepile substack. Ever since I hopped over I haven’t posted a ton on this end. I’m not sure really what this one will be about really but I was struck by something I read today about not knowing what to do and I dunno, it resonated with me.

My day consists of going to work, reading when I can on my breaks and on lunch, going home, doomscrolling, then trying to shift focus. When I can shift my focus it often goes into TTRPGs, writing/reading, gaming, or housework. Today I got home, made a snack, sat down watched a few somewhat inflammatory you tube videos then scrolled threads. I came across a post from a friend putting words to something I find myself thinking a lot they put their all into advocating for the social causes that are important to them. I’ve seen them draw up, from scratch, a plan to set up 3 days of tabletop live streamed games to raise money for a cause. They go so far as to email 25 companies a day on their own time to drum up support. And I think that dedication is inspiring in itself. but in their post the indicated a feeling that I tend to have which is they don’t know what else to do. That really struck me. this person is so vocal and outspoken. Aware that doing so could make people uneasy or avoid working with them and in the face of that sticks to their guns. It made me think, what am I doing to even feel similarly and the only answer I could draw up was, “not enough.”

That’s about how I got to the point of drafting the following. First as a post on threads but once I hit 4 parts I figured it may be best off here.

The book I’m reading right now is in a lot of ways a direct allegory to the conflicts around squatters rights, and the ways conflict draws the eye away from a declining environment/world. It touches on a lot of other topical points but those are it’s biggest points so far. In the book theres two factions each with maybe 15-25 people and an outside group meant to act as a mediator between the two.
On a scale that size each character is making such drastic change with practically anything they do. At times it’s a bit inspirational to imagine having impact to that degree but other times it’s terribly reminiscent of how the powers that be use and leverage force to push their way. It emboldens in me a desire to do more to create positive change. But when I then look to the landscape around me things can just feel so absolute.

I rarely know what to say in most situations. Often finding myself caught up in my own head worried about how each word, the intonation of each word, the pitch of my voice, etc. might effect the understanding/reaction of the listener. Often times I end up just not speaking. I’ve done this for so long that at times I start to feel like I just don’t have much of a voice. But as I grow I’m trying to undo that mindset and put words to what I feel and to use what voice I do have to create some positive change. I don’t expect to say anything groundbreaking or revolutionary I just want to contribute to the chorus that already speaks up. To aid in bolstering communities in a time where so much that is dear to me is under attack.

This is something I want to learn to be better at and also leads to a sort of crux. Being better at speaking out and about the causes that matter to me means being informed and so often that ends up becoming so overwhelming. All of the news streams vying for attention and selecting the correct ones. This is one of the places I consistently get stuck. I just don’t know what sources I can trust to deliver information to me that isn’t at the same time trying to sell me something. Which I guess I just sort of have to get used to parsing information, deciding on a specific cause to look into, reading about it from multiple angles and finding a way I can be of more support from there.

Like all thing it’ll take work to be outspoken in a nuanced way but I think a solid start is calling out wrongdoings and injustices when I see them, and supporting others when I see that they are struggling.

Honestly currently I’m not sure what more I have to say besides I hope this wasn’t too rambly, just something that was on my mind really.